I keep getting sponsored ads for a really nasty game on the ‘gram. The premise of the game is that a young woman is unappealing in some way - she’s got lip fuzz, is dirty, has greasy hair. She approaches a man, supposedly her partner, for some affection and he pushes her away in disgust. She begins sobbing, hobbles through the streets shivering, and eventually comes across a warm spa-like salon with golden light pillowing out of the windows. She walks in, and that’s when you, the player, get to decide what happens to her. Any choice you make leads to another choice or ends the game.
It’s repulsive in every way. I want to throat-punch the creators.
What makes it interesting is not the degradation of women (btw, in one variation I saw, the man was bald and had a beer gut and was playing video games. So, at least it’s based in some reality.) What makes this game playable is that a single, solitary decision could either improve or deteriorate every option that comes after.
That’s a really powerful way to have an intentional experience when used in the right context. (Hint; this game ain’t it.) It works well when gamified because it forces the player to pause and use critical thinking and decision-making skills because it paints a very clear picture of what could happen after. This makes it much easier to understand the importance of quality decision-making, albeit crudely. It demonstrates a crucial skill most of us approach generically and automatically. Knowing which decision to make is just as, and arguably more, important than the decision itself.
In my mind, I call these Domino Decisions. They are decisions that, once made, make every other decision that comes after more likely to be easy and automatic. Tipping that fist domino knocks down all the other dominos if they are close enough together. It’s the most important action to take, requires the most effort, and often makes what follows (almost) effortless.
I use this thought process in a few different ways in my own life. When faced with a big problem, I try to step back far enough to get perspective and look for the one problem-solving decision I could make that would make all the other decisions either easier or irrelevant. In my career, that might look like letting someone go. I once had to let go of the most talented hair and makeup artist I have ever represented. She always followed our process to the letter, she got rave reviews, and her work became our best marketing materials. But, there was one really big problem: her. She was a complete bitch to the rest of my team, treated them like they were beneath her, and even almost came to blows with another artist. It took me nine months of making a bunch of small, useless decisions about her to finally make the Domino Decision that mattered, and I terminated her.
Another way I use Domino Decisions is around having lots of options. I have severe FOMO and think EVERYTHING sounds fun and is ALWAYS a good idea. I’m the girl who wants to split everything on the menu because I want to try a bite of it all. I’ll be the first to plan a vacation with a line-item itinerary just so I make sure I don’t miss a location-specific activity or a must-go restaurant. My Shiny Object Syndrome is legendary, and while it’s fun to indulge in all the things once in a while, I had to learn the very hard way that it’s the quickest route to burnout, anxiety, depression, and failure.* Ordering everything on the menu can be fun with a group if everyone’s game. Saying yes to every small business startup opportunity can quickly become a self-designed nightmare when everyone’s pawing to get a piece of you and all you get out of it is saying that you have a bunch of (probably struggling) businesses. These have always been my weakest point, and where I need to work on my Domino Decision-making the most.
The third way I apply Domino Decisions is to my personal life. For most of us, this is where it gets gray. It’s easier to measure and interpret the results to support a hard decision when it’s trackable, like an employee who has a quantifiable number of times acting out of line. It’s also easy to use a Domino Decision as a way to give up, and ease out, when overwhelmed with choices. We can throw our hands up in the air in exasperation, or just admit that we can’t, politely decline, and move on. What makes personal Domino Decisions so hard is that they are usually not a decision at all, but some kind of desire that looks an awful lot like a decision but is really just a knockoff.
“I want to be a writer!” is a desire that looks like a decision. “I write every morning first thing before I do anything else” is a Domino Decision. It doesn’t matter if the writing is shit, the decision to write every morning before anything else makes tipping over the next domino of publishing that writing easier - because you can’t publish something that’s not written.
“I want to lose 30 pounds!” is a desire that looks like a decision. “I get up every morning at 5:00 am and go to the gym” is the Domino Decision. By the time you get to the gym, it takes a lot less effort to get on a treadmill or pick up a pair of dumbbells. This single decision also impacts the time around the decision; staying up late watching TV, having more than one or two drinks, or working too late all impact the willingness and ability to get up early. It’s a lot easier to shut down, sober up, and turn off at a decent hour the night before when faced with a 5:00 AM alarm the next day, especially if you’re already tired from being up since 5:00 anyways.
Domino Decisions can mean cashing in the equity of a home larger than you need so you can buy something smaller and cheaper to free up time that was previously spent on money-making activities for your kid’s activities. A Domino Decision could be moving to a city that is the epicenter of the industry you want to be in so there are more opportunities and like-minded people. Domino Decisions can mean saying No, just so there’s room for a different and more deeply desired Yes.
And if you really, really dig it down, Domino Decisions are rooted in mindfulness. To have an active mindfulness practice means hyper-focusing on a single, solitary thought long enough for all the other noise to fade away, making what’s most important the only thing in the awareness. Our daily lives are a cacophony of sound, our necks whiplashed from jerking around to look wherever it’s coming at us the loudest. Backing as far away as we can lets us see the whole band, and only then, can we zero in on the one sound we need to tune into. What we showed up for. The experience of life we are choosing to have, not the one that’s happening to us. That is the Domino Decision.
*(Note: as entrepreneurs, we have fetishized failure. Stop it. There are such things as quality failure, and then there’s just failure on account of piss-poor planning, delusional ideas, and uncontrollable flopping about in a space in the name of “disruption”. Failure only counts if it’s productive.)
